Hello, dear Reader! Good morning, et cetera based on where in the world you are, and welcome to yet another day on this side of the grave! It's almost 3:00 AM in our time zone as I start this entry and (as per usual) only Max and I are currently awake. He's 20 years old now - which is amazing, and we're so grateful! - but, due to his age and special needs because of it, we feed him soft food twice daily, by himself (in fact, I think he's waiting for me now!) and dry food is kept out for all three dogs 24/7. We noticed him trying to pick at the dry food one day and having an obviously hard time with it, and are gratefully now meeting him at his point of need with the soft food, although I do wish we'd noticed his need from the very beginning, but am also grateful to have realized it at all.
I can be dense; those of you who know me in real life, know.
Right now, we've started smoking cigarettes again for about two weeks now, and I can already physically feel that it's *not* going to be sustainable for me to continue on this path, not at all. Even though it's cost-effective enough to roll your own like we do, the health costs cannot be denied and will end up being the deal-breaker for me before it's all said and done, due to lifelong asthma coupled with C.O.P.D. (for about the last twenty years or so now). I just believe in full disclosure and also want you to know, dear Reader, that I am every bit as imperfect as you are (if not moreso). Truth at all times, even if and when it makes me look bad (because optics mean nothing in the grand scheme of things, not to God they don't).
So, due to my own idiocy (smoking!) I've been pretty sick for the last couple of days, spending most of each day and night in bed, sleeping on and off. I've quit smoking before: once for about four years, another time for two years, and the last time I'd stayed away from cigarettes for nine years before returning to that folly the way dogs return to their own vomit yet again. On the one hand, I know that it's possible to quit because I've done it before, and I'd really like for this next time to be 'it' (no more smoking, period). I'll keep you guys here updated with facts, good or bad, about how that's going for us as I don't see the habit lasting for much longer, not at our ages. If you, dear Reader, are also struggling with some addiction like I am (in this case, just cigarettes and weed but those things count) then I pray that you will be empowered to put down whatever it is and walk free, in Jesus' Name, amen. (and for us, too!)
You know, I'd really like to see RFK, Jr. move to make cigarettes illegal, in consideration of future generations that they will not even have the legal temptation for that method of self-destruction. Yes, I know that those of us who are currently hooked wouldn't be pleased with that decision, but when you look at it in the long-term and understand how future generations can be spared having to deal with that struggle, then (I for one) realize that it would, in fact, all be worth it. That'd be a super-ballsy move on his part, and, given the tobacco industry giants and their current (apparent) power, would probably put his very life at risk if he were to do so. May God empower him unto (more) good and correct decisions in his current office as he seeks to help make America healthy again.
This time, when I quit, may it be forever, and may I quit the whole lot of it: cigarettes and the marijuana. My flesh will scream for a time, but that's never permanent.
So, what happened and how easy was it for my husband and I to pick that bad, expensive habit back up? We were hanging out with some friends; he'd had a few beers, and the next thing I know, he's handing me a cigarette. That's it. Now, I could have and should have refused, but no (and that's on me wholly, not him) and now, here we are. I've just got to get better at adulting (telling myself "no" - being my own parent). But maybe that's a life-long struggle for us all?
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