Good morning, et cetera, dear Reader, and welcome to this obscure little blip in the virtual ocean! I first woke up at about three a.m. this morning as usual, but was able to go back to sleep for more than another three hours; when I woke up, it was near sunrise, but it's cloudy today, at least it is so far this morning, so I didn't miss anything (meaning, those three approximate minutes when Heaven leaks down to earth and bathes the world and sky in colors and light so beautiful as to take one's breath away).
Addiction, it's a real thing; at least, for many of us it is. And we (that is, humans/ people) are the kind of folk who'll hold AA meetings inside of a bar. I don't say that to be mean, just "look at us"(all!) right? Friend, I'm in that boat, too. There are plenty of realities that I'm blind too, mistake, or just plain ignore; I, too, am human. Please know that when I start to sound real preachy (as I write, here) it's only because I am preaching these things first and foremost to myself, and, if anyone else finds value in anything shared, that's wonderful! If not, well, maybe at least you can get a good laugh. It's important that you know, though, dear Reader, where my heart is in all of this.
My oldest son, estranged with good reason because I was an awful, terrible mother (just keeping it real, you can ask both of the boys, and they'll tell you) anyway, he's managed to make it so far in life, in spite of me and the other imperfect conditions of his childhood. His birthday is in two days and, though I don't deserve a relationship with him, love him today and will with every remaining breath. In fact, I've tried to make a deal with God, and asked Him to please see to it that both of my sons get to know Him and Him crucified, even if that means that I never see or hear from either one of them again. That's because God is everything, and if I get to choose between having them in my own life and them having God in theirs, well, the choice is crystal clear and there IS no room for debate. So, may he have a wonderful birthday coming up in a couple of days; may he be doing well, I pray for it every day.
We can't undo the past, y'all. It's impossible. But! We *can* learn from our mistakes and do better going forward. That's the best that any of us can really do, so don't look back in despair; look back in honesty and reflection, yes, but try to learn whatever lesson there is to be had in your past mistakes and move forward, in gratitude and humility, and try to apply what you've learned to life going forward. If you're doing that, or trying to, I personally can see zero fault in you, none at all, because that means that your heart is in the right place. Anyway, who am I to judge? No one.
Now, we are supposed to have discernment - that is "be wise as serpents and innocent as doves" - but part of discernment is being able to separate the sin from the sinner. Yes, condemn all acts of evil; concurrently, love the person doing those acts and pray for them; walk in love as best you can; it's what I'm trying to do and fail at constantly, but I will never stop trying, because "a righteous man falls and will arise seven times, but the wicked are brought down by calamity" (that's somewhere in Proverbs, paraphrased). This is wonderful news for you and for me, because that means that failure is ONLY fatal if we fail to keep trying again, no matter how many times it takes or how long that turns out to be.
Try again. Try harder.
This is a first/rough draft, thoughts typed out as I think them, so, please forgive the 'rough-cut' in the way that I write, and thank you for that.
Here is a link to today's Proverb, this time in the NIV version.
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